I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He shit in the fireplace
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
