don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
