I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
