um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
