I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
