You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize