Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
