I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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