Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
