I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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