haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
