I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
