he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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