My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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