Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
