you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
