thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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