Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
