Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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