Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
