Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
