Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
