Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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