Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
