He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
