my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize