why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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