so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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