I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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