so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
