a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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