I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's like iHOP with fire
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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