i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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