So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
