He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
