Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
