You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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