I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
