Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
