he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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