Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
