Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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