called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
