So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
