I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
