You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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