just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize