hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
