just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
be right there i have to get my cape
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