Sry I called you an 8
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
