Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
