That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
