I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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