Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
