So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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