I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
