the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize