just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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