Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
