I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
