Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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