He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
