my mouth tastes like poor choices
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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