dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
