i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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