My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
