I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have post one night stand depression
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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